your. SMILE(:

This friend or something, told me this, " i was lookign at yoru blog, emo then sudenly happy?"
I'm not sure why, but i got kind of angry. I mean seriously. What do you want me to do. Mope around, waiting and waiting liek a fucktart for some fcking bastard who rejected me and ignored me first? Am i suppose to cry around the entire day, and live my life around him when he didnt want me first? No doubt okay, no doubt i still love him like some idiot, i love him wiht my life damn it. He removed me from his life, cruelly. And all i have done, is socialise a bit more, took SOME FUCKING PICS with some phillipines choir, went kl with my family, and i'm fucking at fault?At least i did not hurt your damn feelings, at least i nvr lied abt who i am going out with, at least up till now, i still love you like shit. At least i nvr stop trying to contact you. At least... And then after jsut these i have done, my efforts and all, you still dont fucking give a shit abt me, you nvr understand and you claim i nvr understand. hey, give me some credit okay, at least i explained and told you all my damn feelings before you turned away, but you nvr did try to talk to me. And you said you had enough, its over. Wtf who are you to say its over, who are you to say you have enough. i should be the one WHO HAS HAD ENOUGH. But yet, im still hopelessly clinging on to this. I relly hate myself for that. I mean after what you have done to me, aft how you left me, you aint worth that waiting. So what the hell am i doing then? looking at your bloody name jsut makes me want to cry. and even as im typing this,m im crying. But do you give a shit? no, its you and your dman life, how you';re messing it up. Weel its your choice. You dont want me in your damn life anymore. So? What can i do. And even if there are guys interested in me right now, I dont give a shit. talking is one thing. Aint you talkign to other girls too now? And you are happily, at least appearing, and you tell me, you are not happy, and i dont understand. and then again you say i am happy, because of how i look. But when i say i am not what i look, you dont believe. you are so damn unreasonable please. You expect me to believ you that you are not happy when you appear happy, but you dont blieve that im not as happy as i look. I got nothing to say.

Please. Even though i do still love you. Let me try to be happy, at least for xmas.